On November 16th, Robert Zemeckis’ big budget Beowulf opens, but the big question emerging is: will family audiences get to see Beowulf, the character that is, in his entirety? (more photos after the jump) For those who had to read the Waye Olde Englishe poem way back in high school *Cliff Notes* and may have since forgotten the details, please allow us to remind you this epic monster story has some serious full frontal male nudity. Most notably, when Beowulf slays the evil Grendel without wearing a stitch of clothing. Even better, the mythical Beowulf is twice the size of an average warrior, which brings us to the logical conclusion so should be the mythical member of this double-sized dude. Much speculation has arisen given screenwriter Roger Avary’s description of “a baby’s arm holding an apple.” Throw in a fairly naked Angelina Jolie and surely we’re talking about an NC-17 rating here. However SustyShag has learned that the notoriously stringent MPAA has granted Hollywood’s Beowulf a PG-13 rating. Hallelujah! No longer will mainstream audiences across America be molly-coddled by Victorian prudishness. For art’s sake, the naked male form, albeit animated, will get its day in the cinematic sun. Were it only so.

Beowulf’s PG-13 rating can be attributed to animated characters rather than flesh and blood actors running around in the buff as well as the unfortunate deployment of what Variety’s review calls “Austin Powers-style cover-up strategies” which serve to deny us even a glimpse of Beowulf’s double-plus manpole. Once again, ticket-buying audiences get the shaft, this time by not getting to see one. We’re pretty disappointed that family audiences will be missing an opportunity to experience the whole package because we at SustyShag firmly believe it’s time for the cultural forces that be to stop measuring the varying uses of nudity with the same yardstick. Often, as seems the case with Beowulf, nudity is nothing other than an expression of what it means to be simply human. Better yet, what it means to be heroic and “larger than life,” to realize your full self without fear of showing everyone your true self. We suspect that was one ultimate intention of Beowulf’s author in having his hero naked and twice the size of a regular man. Perhaps we should all stop reading the Cliff Notes and start writing some of our own.

WATCH the uncensored Beowulf-in-the-buff internet movie trailer >>

More Beowulf, Angelina Jolie, nudity and metaphor on Susty
Beowulf-In-The-Buff DVD Release (with uncensored trailer VIDEO>>)
Robert Zemeckis’ Big Beowulf Question: Is That a Baby’s Arm or Are You Just Happy to Slay Me?
All Susty posts tagged Angelina Jolie